The Onion
Security Experts Advise Americans To Not Click Anything
- Title
- Security Experts Advise Americans To Not Click Anything
- Runtime
- 2:48
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
- Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA
A civilian casualty is flattered to have been mistaken for a Hamas leader, the entirety of a man’s personal data is protected by a reference to the third season of ‘The West Wing’, and an asexually reproduced sea sponge is worried she’s turning into herself. It's the week of August 8, 2014.
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- Title
- Super Hurricane Said to Be Even More Powerful Than Bogdan, World's Strongest Man
- Runtime
- 1:55
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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The National Weather Service is warning that Tropical Storm Dennis could rival the strength of Bogdan, with wind louder than his footsteps and waves bigger than his arms.
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- Title
- ClickHole: This Little Boy’s Grandfather Started To Cry ... And His Reaction Will Blow You Away
- Runtime
- 0:27
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: People Drinking Full Glasses Of Water Compilation 2014
- Runtime
- 1:47
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: Never Pay For Office Supplies Again With This Easy Trick
- Runtime
- 0:58
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: What’s Happening In Gaza Will Shock You, So Watch This Instead
- Runtime
- 0:50
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: If You Can’t Tell What’s Going On Here There’s Something Wrong With You
- Runtime
- 0:35
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: This Man Adopted A Shelter Dog. We Were Hoping The Rest Would Take Care Of Itself
- Runtime
- 1:16
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: You'll Never Look At A Twinkie The Same Way Again
- Runtime
- 0:08
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: WATCH: Man Sees His Family For First Time After 27 Years Holding His Hand Over His Eyes
- Runtime
- 2:12
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: Man Locks Himself In Hot Car To Prove That Babies And Dogs Are Cowards
- Runtime
- 2:27
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: Watch A 20-Year-Old Experience The Exact Moment That McDonald’s Stops Being A Treat
- Runtime
- 0:23
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: Watch This Crazy Street Fight (WARNING: Violence)
- Runtime
- 0:43
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: You Can Write Whatever You Want On A Baby...And Here's The Proof.
- Runtime
- 1:06
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: Watch This Supercut Of Every Time Harrison Ford Says ‘Harrison Ford’ In ‘The Fugitive’
- Runtime
- 1:35
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- Adorable Hedgehogs You Can Look At As Long As You Can Tolerate The Sounds Of A Man Chewing Loudly
- Runtime
- 0:59
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: We Tried To Throw A Rock At This Boat
- Runtime
- 0:29
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole EXCLUSIVE: Pregame Footage From Inside The U.S. World Cup Team’s Locker Room
- Runtime
- 1:11
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: Here's THE Perfect Recipe For A Healthy 20-Minute Dinner
- Runtime
- 2:04
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: It's Nice To Remember The Good Things In Life
- Runtime
- 1:04
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: This Video Seems Silly, But It Makes a Good Point
- Runtime
- 0:34
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: You’ve Never Eaten A Bagel Like This Before
- Runtime
- 0:27
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: This 43-Year-Old Man Won't Let Himself Be Defined By Barbie's Beauty Standards
- Runtime
- 1:33
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: Woman Takes One Photo Of Herself Every Day For A Week
- Runtime
- 0:07
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: A Moment Of Courage In 30 Seconds
- Runtime
- 0:31
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: Got Three Minutes? This Video Will Confirm That
- Runtime
- 3:02
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: Is This Contraption The Next Revolution In High-Speed Travel?
- Runtime
- 0:16
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: You Won't Believe How Cheap This Stock Video Of A Woman Sitting On A Swing Was
- Runtime
- 0:45
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- ClickHole: What This Adorable Little Girl Says Will Melt Your Heart
- Runtime
- 1:58
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- Let’s All Take A Couple Of Hours To Salute Ol’ Glory
- Runtime
- 3:07:49
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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- Title
- God Doubts He Could Still Create World In Just 7 Days Anymore
- Runtime
- 2:36
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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Medical experts announce that an Ebola vaccine is at least 50 white people away from being developed, a new poll finds a majority of the CIA is now ready to install a female world leader, and a sex toy is discreetly shipped in a plain dildo-shaped box. It's the week of August 1, 2014.
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- Title
- Maybelline Introduces New Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask To Use In Place Of Makeup
- Runtime
- 1:54
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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Touting it as their most stylish and advanced beauty product to date, officials from global cosmetics brand Maybelline unveiled Thursday the Ideal-Woman Rubber Mask, a flexible facial covering that can be worn over the head in lieu of makeup.
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- Title
- New Kindle Helps Readers Show Off By Shouting Title Of Book Loudly And Repeatedly
- Runtime
- 2:10
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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Amazon says the Kindle Flare’s repetitive shouting will appeal to fans of print, who miss the ability to display a book’s cover to strangers.
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- Title
- Israel Unveils New Defense System To Deflect Accusations Of Human Rights Violations
- Runtime
- 2:55
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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A new report finds climate change skeptics could reach catastrophic levels by 2020, the nation’s gratuitously sexual couples announce plans to wait in line at Six Flags, and a local grandpa looks absolutely precious in his new baseball cap. It's the week of July 25, 2014.
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- Title
- Doctors Say Average Heart Attack Victim Doesn’t Clutch At Chest Nearly Dramatically Enough
- Runtime
- 1:57
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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According to the results of a study published Thursday by the American Heart Association, most heart attack victims do not freeze up and grab at their chests with sufficient measures of theatrics when suffering a cardiac arrest.
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- Title
- World Urges Israelis, Palestinians To Focus Mutual Hatred On Region's Bahá'í Peoples
- Runtime
- 2:47
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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Everyone in the Middle East is given their own country in a 317,000,000-state solution, NASA announces plans to launch a chimpanzee into the sun, and a local mom is $15,000 in the hole with her ceramic frog dealer. It's the week of July 18, 2014.
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- Title
- Breaking: Tour De France On Hold As Cyclists Ride Over To Creek To Check Out Bugs
- Runtime
- 2:15
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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The legendary bicycle race is on hold after excited riders discovered a secret path through a forest that had tons of cool jumps and ended down by a nasty old creek.
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- Title
- Deadly Super Rainbow Tears Through West Coast
- Runtime
- 1:13
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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Dozens in California are killed after a powerful Super Rainbow burns a trail of destruction across the state.
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- Title
- The Onion Reviews 'Dawn of the Planet of the Apes'
- Runtime
- 3:33
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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The Onion's movie critic Peter K. Rosenthal reviews 'Dawn of the Planet of the Apes' in this week's Film Standard.
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- Title
- Land The Perfect Job By Having Your Rich Dad Set You Up (Brought To You By Cottonelle)
- Runtime
- 3:56
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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This 24-year-old executive has a message for young people struggling to find work: landing a job is easy if you just suck it up and ask your dad for a job at his company. (Brought To You By Cottonelle)
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- Title
- Bored Scientists Now Just Sticking Random Things Into Large Hadron Collider
- Runtime
- 1:54
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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One year after confirming the existence of the Higgs Boson, or "God Particle," scientists at CERN say they are struggling to find other uses for the giant particle accelerator.
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- Title
- The Only Person Who Can Help Me Get A Bus To Yonkers Is You
- Runtime
- 3:17
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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Our guest speaker's car broke down and his cell phone is busted. All he needs is $12.45 and he promises to pay you back.
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- Title
- Meat Prices Skyrocket After Cow Smashing Machine Gets All Beefed Up
- Runtime
- 1:18
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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The price of meat in the U.S. hit a record high this week after the big machine that takes all the cows and smashes them got real clogged up with beef.
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- Title
- SPONSORED: Groundbreaking Video Game Lets Players Customize Characters' Genetic Code
- Runtime
- 2:08
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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Video game customization reaches new heights in 'The Elder Scrolls Online' thanks to a feature that allows players to customize their character's bones, flesh, and nervous system. (Brought to you by Bethesda)
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- Title
- Public Opinion On Net Neutrality Fiercely Divided Into One Side
- Runtime
- 2:45
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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The U.S. Government sets aside 600,000 acres of pristine land for future generations to pollute, John Kerry says 'to defeat them, I must become them,' while putting on a black face mask, and a birthday wish is wasted on trying to bring dad back. It's the week of June 27, 2014
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- Title
- Report: 76% Of Sleepaway Campers' Parents Beginning Trial Separation
- Runtime
- 1:49
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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A report released Friday by the U.S. Administration for Children and Families confirmed that more than three-fourths of overnight campers' parents are using the opportunity away from their children to reassess their marriages by living separately.
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- Title
- This Minnesota State Museum's Final Offer To Owner Of Couch From 'Mary Tyler Moore' Set
- Runtime
- 1:42
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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According to a firm statement given Thursday by the institution's staff, this is the final offer that the Minnesota State Museum is going to make for the brown living room sofa used on the hit 1970s sitcom 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show'.
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- Title
- Beard Husks On Sidewalk Indicate Start Of Hipster Molting Season
- Runtime
- 1:34
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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If you hear the telltale crunch of a hipster's discarded beard under your feet, don't worry: experts say the hirsute young men are just making room to grow even larger, more ironic beards.
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- Title
- Iraqis Somehow Manage To Screw Up Functional Democracy U.S. Left Them With
- Runtime
- 2:19
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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A prison rights group protests the treatment of supervillains in the nation's magnetic detainment cubes, a local dad thought he could make it out of a zoo without buying his kids light-up shit, and a pigeon wishes just once it could complete a head movement smoothly. It's the week of June 20, 2014.
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- Title
- Last-Ditch Dating Website Simply Asks Users To Check 'Yes' If They Have Open Sores
- Runtime
- 2:14
- Date posted
- 12 years ago
- Description
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Offering one-click companionship for singles who have exhausted all other options, new last-ditch dating website LastShot.com, which launched earlier this week, pairs users with a partner based solely on whether they have open sores anywhere on their body, company sources confirmed.
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